How Couples Keep Their Sex Life Slammin’ According to Sex Experts
Have you ever wondered how some couples can keep their sex lives roaring when they’ve been together for a long time? How do they keep the spark alive and manage to uphold a fulfilling sex life?
Sometimes life gets in the way and we find ourselves busier than ever. When we’re bogged down with work, daily stress and distractions, it’s common to neglect our partners and our sex lives. No matter if you’re in a budding new relationship or a long term one, you may be wondering what the secret is to keeping the romance alive. Here are some tips from top experts on how sexually satisfied couples maintain a steamy sex life!
They are comfortable talking about sex
Couples who are open and communicative about sex tend to be more sexually satisfied than couples who don’t. Sexually satisfied couples discuss what feels good and what doesn’t, their turn-ons and turn-offs, and when they’re in the mood. Sexually fulfilled couples feel secure in discussing their desires and wants without fear or judgment in a positive and safe environment.
Sex therapist, Ian Kerner explains that sexually satisfied couples, “…know how to communicate in the language of arousal: how to talk about their fantasies, how to share in real-time all the pleasure they’re experiencing in their own body as well as their partner’s and how to move the process of arousal forward with the mouth, not just their genitals. They know that the language of sex in the bedroom is not always the language of relationships outside the bedroom and that if you’re in a safe, secure relationship you can also express your individual sexual desires and even objectify your partner.”
They make time for sex in their schedules
Many couples tend to think that sex should always be spontaneous. Sex therapist Kimberly Resnick Anderson says that couples should make time for sex because they will develop an understanding of the psychological and physical benefits of scheduling time to be intimate with their partner.
Resnick states, “Couples who schedule sex send an important message: ‘You are important to me, our sex life is important to me. I value my (and your) sexual satisfaction.’ And just to be clear, just because you schedule sex doesn’t mean it has to be boring or the same every time. You can spice things up with novelty. Each partner can take turns setting the mood, suggesting new positions, or initiating role play or acting out fantasies.”
They prioritize one-on-one time
Sex therapist and creator of Finishing School, the online orgasm course for women, Vanessa Marin, explains that sexually fulfilled couples understand that great sex doesn’t happen naturally. It’s important to nurture a healthy relationship in and out of the bedroom. Taking the time to put your partner and your relationship first will cultivate a bountiful sex life.
Marin says, “We’re all busy these days, but your relationship ― much less your sex life ― can’t survive on the scraps of your time and attention. You need to be willing to prioritize quality time alone together over just about everything else in your life. You need to put away your cell phones and turn off the TV, and just be together. You need to make the effort to go on date nights, dress up for each other and seduce each other.”
They’re curious about their partner’s turn on’s- which can change over time
Celeste Hirschman, sex expert and author of Making Love Real helps couples achieve a long-term sexual connection by encouraging couples to dive deeper into what turns them on. She suggests that couples go beyond the physical and look into their psychological desires. Hirschman says, “…getting curious about whether your lover wants romance or dominance and submission, and what they really want to feel from you during sex is so important. When each person in the couple is fully curious about the other’s turn-ons and wants to give them generously (within their personal boundaries, of course!), couples’ sex lives really thrive. We call this guest-starring in each other’s ‘hottest sexual movies.’ This way everyone gets to have the sex they like the most, taking turns or bridging if the desires are different.”
The bedroom is their space for sleeping and sex
It’s important to reserve the bedroom for two important activities: sex and sleeping. Sex therapist Douglas C. Brooks encourages couples to take a cue from a couple he previously worked with: “An older couple I worked with established a rule that they have abided by for over 40 years. They never discuss business in the bedroom. One night, the wife brought up a business matter in the middle of the night. The husband put on his bathrobe, started a pot of coffee and told his wife to meet him downstairs to discuss. They did and later went back to bed satisfied with each other. While this may seem a bit rigid, I fully agree with the concept. I see this with my younger couples where they get so absorbed with life’s daily struggles that they permit too much of the outside world to enter their world. With my practice, I try to encourage couples to develop or maintain their own intimacy. This could mean actually limiting some verbal communication, texts, news and just communicating via touch and other gestures of love.”
They maintain the spark- even in everyday life
Danielle Harel, sex expert and author of Making Love Real, encourages couples to keep the spark alive through flirting and anticipation. She explains, “These couples keep sexual energy in the mix throughout their lives together, creating anticipation by sexting with each other, keeping an ongoing sexual conversation and a doing a quick make-out here and there ― even when there isn’t enough time to do the deed!”
They laugh together
Resnick believes that laughter is key to any healthy, gratifying sexual relationship. She states, “This may sound silly, but laughing is a great aphrodisiac. If you are laughing with your partner, you are likely playful together and able to enjoy each other’s company. Laughing in bed (not at each other but with each other) is a sign of ease and lightheartedness that allows couples to feel positive emotions and ‘let their hair down.’ If it has been a long time since you really cracked up with your significant other, you may be stuck in negative sentiment. This occurs when positive regard and good will erode and resentment overshadows playfulness. Sharing humor or creating your own inside jokes triggers the release of endorphins and produces a general sense of well-being. Laughing also reduces stress hormones, which can help couples relax and be open with one another.”
They have realistic expectations
Couples that are sexually satisfied aren’t expecting perfection. Marin writes, “In my sex therapy practice, I see so many couples who want sex to be like in the movies, every single time. The reality is that sex is awkward! You fall out of position. You fumble over dirty talk. You accidentally poke your partner in the eye. Couples who can have a sense of humor about these moments are so much happier in the long run than those who get mortified by any tiny imperfection. Marin states, “In my sex therapy practice, I see so many couples who want sex to be like in the movies, every single time. The reality is that sex is awkward! You fall out of position. You fumble over dirty talk. You accidentally poke your partner in the eye. Couples who can have a sense of humor about these moments are so much happier in the long run than those who get mortified by any tiny imperfection.
