Being Passive-Aggressive
It goes without saying that passive-aggressiveness is never excusable in a relationship. As bad as this behavior is, it still manages to creep its way into a relationship. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, author of the book, Should I Stay or Should I Go?, explains that passive-aggressive behavior is damaging to a relationship because it,“… reflects indirect communication and usually a fair amount of unhappiness and challenges with self-esteem and insecurity on the past of the passive-aggressive person.” This behavior doesn’t solve anything and it only drives you and your significant other further apart. If you find yourself leaning on this behavior, try to take a moment to think about how you really feel and what you really want to say. Instead of resorting to sarcasm or a snide remark, open up about what’s really getting to you. You’ll achieve much more and get closer to your partner.
Keeping Score
Over the course of your relationship it’s inevitable that you’ll have both done things to upset each other. Disagreements are inevitable, but it’s important to handle them in the moment, rather than hold on to them. If you’re constantly keeping score of who did what to whom you’re harboring a grudge that will only make you hostile.
If you’re having a hard time moving on from a spat or a slight, because you feel as if you’re constantly giving more to the relationship, it may help to consider the times when perhaps you’re not. Does your partner always choose the music in the car, pick the restaurant or the movie you want to see it? Do you spend most of your holidays with your partners family, or does your partner do the majority of the grocery shopping? It may seem as though you’re giving more at a given time (especially when you’re upset) but if you take a step back, you’ll see that it’s often an even effort on both parts.
Making Jokes At The Expense Of Your Partner
You know your partner better than anyone else. You know their worst fears and their biggest insecurities. You’ve been trusted with the sort of information that can be funny to joke about in private, but not so funny to joke about in public. It might be amusing to tease your partner’s outfit at a dinner party, by saying that he looks like a lame version of Don Draper, but that may be very hurtful to him.
Criticizing Their Family
Our families can be some of the biggest stressors in our lives. It’s natural for you or your partner to vent about your respective families from time to time, but resist the temptation to badmouth their family. Even if you agree with what your partner is saying, remain sensitive to the situation rather than downright putting down their family.
If you’re feeling that there are issues between you and your partner’s family – whether it’s how they’re treating you or your partner – try to think of how you would want them to approach the situation if the situation was reversed. Approach your partner with kindness and avoid making statements where your partner will feel attacked.
Neglecting To Show Regular Acts Of Love
Let your partner know that you’re still just as into them now, as you were on day one, by continually showing them acts of love. Acts of love are those little, but meaningful gestures that you do for your significant other to show them that you care. It could be as small as making them coffee in the morning when they normally do it, or surprising them with their favorite thai takeout after they’ve had a long day at the office. Durvasula says, “If you’re mindful, you will do the act of love each day without thinking about it.” It’s important to do a little something kind for your partner each day…but if you haven’t been feeling the desire to do any acts of love for your partner…it may be time to ask yourself why.
