The holidays tend to bring on a bevy of emotions – some good and some bad. This time of year is heavily centered around events pertaining to gathering with family, and if you’re unable to be with family because of distance, estrangement, conflict, or death, this time of year can be extremely difficult. The holiday season can leave people feeling alienated, lonely and deeply hurt.
If you’re unable to be with your family or other loved ones during the holidays, it’s important to acknowledge these feelings and tackle them by being proactive. There are a number of helpful ways to handle the holidays and cope with your feelings in a positive way.
Go on a vacation
Traveling can be a great way to shake yourself out of the traditional holiday mindset. Heading out of town will relieve you of any pressures and giving yourself the gift of travel to a new, exciting destination is an excellent way to practice self-care. You’ll meet new people and depending on your location, you’ll remove yourself from typical holiday celebrations. Licensed clinical social worker, Shari Heller, suggests getting out of town and going on a vacation to reset your holiday mindset.
Embrace your creativity or spirituality
Heller believes it’s important to “…“[maintain] a transpersonal perspective of one’s purpose and place in the world”. This time of year is a wonderful time to immerse yourself in activities such as photography, journaling, painting and meditation. These activities can be especially beneficial during a time when the lack of familial bonds and loneliness are present.
Play down the holidays
Yes, it can be difficult to avoid the constant onslaught of holiday themed events, decorations, and music, but the holidays are just another day. Rather than building up a single day, treat it like another day that you have off. Take the time to go out, see a movie, pamper yourself or try out a fun DIY project you’ve been putting off.
Volunteer
If you’re feeling disconnected and excluded from the many activities involving family during the holidays, now is an excellent time to give back! Craig Ellison, Ph.D. and author of Saying Goodbye to Loneliness and Finding Intimacy suggests volunteering at a shelter, a food bank, or a mission to feel more connected to others during the holidays. Helping others in need will be fulfilling and give you a healthy dose of perspective.
Adjust your expectations and ideals
Elaine Rodino, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, says that this time of year tends to bring out stress, anxiety, competency, self-esteem and family related issues due to overwhelming expectations on making the holidays perfect. Rodino states, “There’s this idea that it’s supposed to be perfect, and if it’s not, the person asks, ‘What’s wrong with me?’”. She also notes that the unattainable ideal of the holidays is a broad misconception as the number of “traditional” families and households in the U.S. are not in the majority.
Spend time with other loved ones
With so much of an emphasis on traditional families and relationships during the holidays, it’s no wonder that those without familial bonds or partners can feel left out and despondent. It’s important to remember that even though you may not be able to be with family or loved ones there are people that you can reach out to. Pick up the phone, write letters, ask to be included in a friends holiday gathering, or plan a special holiday event for loved ones you can spend time with. If you know someone who is in a similar situation to yours, reach out to them! Heller says, “Feeling loved and cared for is the ultimate panacea.”
