Zhuangzi says, “Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness.” What if you found out that the key to lasting happiness wasn’t about what you did, but what you didn’t do? According to new psychological research, doing nothing may just be the path to happiness!
Some people may find joy and contentment in the hustle and relentless pursuit of happiness, however, new research shows that this approach may be detrimental to many. Researchers have found that people who are hyper focused on finding happiness may find themselves feeling lonely, disappointed, stressed and experiencing feelings of personal failure. For some, constantly striving for happiness feels more like an out of reach dream, rather than something they can attain.
Iris Mauss, one of the first researchers to explore the idea of happiness states, “Wherever you look, you see books about how happiness is good for you, and how you basically should make yourself happier, almost as a duty….but are those volumes only setting people up for disappointment?” She goes on to say, “People might set very high standards for their own happiness as a function of this – they may think they should be happy all the time, or extremely happy, and that can set people up to feel disappointed with themselves, that they fall short – and that could have these self-defeating effects.” This may give insight into why so many people experience great dread or disappointment around major life events like anniversaries, birthdays and holidays like Christmas and New Years Eve.
Mauss, along with additional researchers, Maya Tamir, Craig Anderson, Nicole Savino explored the idea of seeking happiness through questionnaires where participants were asked to rate a series of statements like:
- How happy I am at any given moment says a lot about how worthwhile my life is
- To have a meaningful life, I need to feel happy most of the time
- I value things in life only to the extent that they influence my personal happiness
The researchers found that the individuals who related to those comments were less satisfied with their happiness. In another experiment related to feelings of expectations and feelings of happiness, Mauss and her fellow researchers tried to manipulate participants to see if they could influence their emotions and levels of happiness.
Researchers presented one group of participants with a newspaper article emphasizing the importance of happiness, while the other group read an article about “good judgement”. Afterwards, both groups watched a cheerful film about an exciting Olympic victory. Once the movie ended they were asked about their feelings.
The researchers found that the article had less of an influence on the participants who were encouraged to “feel happy”.
Why would the subjects who read the article about the benefits of being happy not experience a heightened sense of joy after watching such a heartwarming film? The researchers found that when people felt that they were supposed to feel happy, optimistic and hopeful, they typically found themselves questioning how they truly felt. When they felt that they weren’t meeting their expectations of happiness, they experienced feelings of disappointment at the end of the film instead of excitement and joy.
This may explain why many people at major events like weddings, birthdays, holidays, or someone taking a “once in lifetime” trip often find these moments to be an anticlimactic letdown.
Mauss’ experiment also helps us to understand how these feelings trickle their way into other areas of our lives. Based on her research, Mauss has found that the constant quest for happiness may increase feelings of loneliness and alienation. She believes that this is due to the amount of self-focus and attention on yourself — instead of enjoying the people and experiences around you. She explains, “Self-focus might make me engage with other people less, and I might judge other people more negatively if I perceive them to ‘mess’ with my happiness.”
In two additional studies at University of Toronto and Rutgers University, researchers Sam Maglio and Aeo Kyung Kim conducted a series of surveys and questionnaires where they asked subjects of the study questions to determine what would make them happy. Maglio and Kim found that these questions created a sense of stress, discouragement and worry regarding how little time they had to do the things they felt would make them happy. Surprisingly, for those who discussed what would make them happy in that moment, they did not have feelings of disappointment or stress! The main issue only existed for people who believed that they needed to look for happiness.
According to Maglio the search for happiness becomes a problem when people view happiness as an unsteady goal, therefore leaving people to feel as though they can never achieve maximum happiness. Maglio also notes that even if someone does reach their goal of happiness, they decrease their feelings of contentment because they become hyper focused on extending their feeling of happiness. As a result, individuals are left with a feeling of dissatisfaction and the belief that we must do more to prolong our happiness. Maglio explains, “Happiness devolves from something pleasant that I can enjoy right now, to something burdensome that I have to keep working at over and over and over”.
Maglio points out that the increasing rise in social media also plays a devastating role in the eagerness for happiness. He says, “If you are constantly reminded of your friend at this exotic location or at that fancy dinner, I think that might serve as a reminder that other people are happier than you – and kick-start that goal of happiness again…I definitely think this desire for happiness is increasing nowadays.” Constantly being bombarded with a feed showing your co-worker at a far away destination or a friends enviable wardrobe and luxurious lifestyle may increase your appetite for happiness.
It’s important that these findings should not be applied to people with depression or other serious mental health issues, nor should it be a reason for people suffering with mental health issues to ignore proper medical treatment. Maglio also notes that these findings are not a reason to refrain from making important life decisions that may do wonders for your personal wellbeing; in some cases, it’s much better to attend to our immediate wellbeing!
How can you achieve happiness? Mauss recommends taking a laid back approach and accepting your negative emotions rather than scorning them. She explains, “When you are striving to be happy, you may become judgmental and unaccepting of negative things in your life… you almost berate yourself for feelings that are incompatible with happiness”.
These findings may have you wondering about all of the other credible research regarding happiness and how to achieve it. Research has shown that activities like exercise, keeping a gratitude journal, practicing random acts of kindness and spending time in nature, can help create feelings of happiness! While these tips can certainly help you on the road to happiness, they may not be an immediate remedy and it may take time to feel the effects. Remember: don’t question your feelings, don’t push aside your feelings and allow them to come and go.
Happiness is best attained when you try not to seek it at all! Allow yourself to simply be without judgement or any expectations and you’ll find that happiness is within reach!
