A broken heart can be every bit as painful as a broken bone or an open wound. The pain you’re feeling isn’t figurative. You’re not being dramatic and the anguish you’re experiencing isn’t all in your head. Recent studies show that romantic rejection can trigger physical pain that is incomparable to other emotions, such as fear and anger. It is often believed that the pain associated with a heartache can’t match up to physical pain, however, science has shown that the brain processes both social and physical pain in similar ways.
The extreme emotional distress that accompanies a broken heart – a condition that can also be lethal – is known as stress cardiomyopathy in the medical profession. The condition is also more commonly referred to as broken heart syndrome. It’s the reason behind all of those anecdotes about elderly couples who die within hours of each other.
You don’t have to succumb to broken heart syndrome and you don’t have to fall apart due to a broken heart. There are ways to start over and heal. When you’re hit with the ending of an important relationship in your life, it may seem as though you’ll never move on from this kind of palpable sorrow. Whether the break up was difficult or if you ended the relationship amicably, there will be lingering emotions, questions and thoughts that all contribute to a perfectly natural and healthy grieving period. The good news is that there are a number of useful, practical ways to rid yourself of sadness, ease your pain, and renew your outlook on love!
Fake it till you make it
If you’re sick to death of crying and feeling as if you’re wearing lead boots – try smiling – even if you don’t feel like it. Social psychologist, Dr. Theresa E. DiDonato, suggests practicing facial feedback hypothesis, or fake smiling, will signal cheerful emotions to your brain. Pretending to smile when you’d rather pull the sheets over your head can boost your mood and help you face the day while you heal.
Detach
Keeping in communication with your ex will only prolong sadness and delay recovery. Dating coach Sandy Weiner suggests making a clean break from your ex. Don’t follow them on social media, don’t phone them, don’t send emails and don’t check in with them via text. Give yourself time to fall out of love with your former partner. The more intwined you are with your former partner, the longer you’ll continue to hold on to them.
Laugh and cry
Laughter and tears are both highly therapeutic. Author and founder of Project Hope and Beyond, Therese J. Borchard explains, “…emotional tears (as compared to tears of irritation, like when you cut an onion) contain toxic biochemical byproducts, so that weeping removes these toxic substances and relieves emotional stress.” Get in a good laugh or a good cry!
Work it out
When we’re emotionally spent and going through a stressful experience, we can unknowingly cultivate depressive-like symptoms, making it extremely difficult to cope. Sleep disturbances, struggling to concentrate, fatigue, continuous feelings of emptiness, anxiety, and irritability can all be alleviated or avoided altogether with a little movement. DiDonato explains, “Evidence suggests that physical exercise can serve as an effective intervention, disrupting the link between such stressful life events and their potential consequences.”
List your strengths
A break up can leave you feeling weak, undesirable and abandoned. Your self-esteem may have taken a hard hit. You may tell yourself that you’re fragile, uncertain and lost. Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, Borchard, suggests writing down all of the many ways that you’re strong! Now is the perfect time to be kind to yourself and make a list of all of the reasons that you’re a tough, valuable, productive person who is capable of moving on from this overwhelming sadness.
Try Forgiveness
If you’re filled with anger and resentment towards your ex, bring peace to your thoughts by showing kindness and forgiveness. We know that this may be the farthest thing from your mind, but when we hold on to blame, we lose our control over the situation. Medical writer Casey Holley suggests forgiving yourself and your former partner as it will bring you peace of mind. Forgiveness will also remove negative emotions and hostility from the situation.
Fall in love with yourself
A break up is a perfect opportunity to reclaim your sense of self and work on becoming a better you! Studies show that as you and your partner grow together as a couple, the lines between you and the other person are fused together and blurred. Your sense of self and your partner’s identity may have overlapped; especially if you had shared friends and activities. While you certainly don’t need another person to complete you, it’s common for couples to feel as though they complete each other. Losing a significant relationship (and the changes that result) can create the feeling of losing yourself and confusion. Get involved with activities that you’ve always wanted to do. Take up a new hobby, take a trip, make new friends, learn a new skill, and enjoy your independence! When you open yourself up to new people and experiences, you’ll start to see your life take a new shape. You’ll start to fall in love with your life and yourself again.
