It’s all fun and games until your crush is suddenly taken. According to Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, Ph.D., chair and professor of counseling and counselor education at Northern Illinois University, developing feelings for someone who is taken can hurt just as much as a breakup. She says, “Even though a crush isn’t quite the same, our hearts can still ache for what might have been.”
Avoid the hurt by following these 4 ways to cope when your crush is unavailable!
Distract Yourself with Other People and Activities
If your crush is a friend this one may be difficult, but it’s a necessary step in helping you move on. You may have a hard time excluding your crush from social gatherings or you may consider ignoring your feelings to maintain your friendship. The problem here is that when you’re crushing hard on a friend, you may be putting your emotions in jeopardy by trying to keep everything casual. Dr. Suzanne Degges-White says, “There’s no magic cure for an unrequited crush, but focusing on other relationships or finding a new passion can sometimes help make the healing period a little shorter.”
Make a plan to hang out with your other friends. Hang out at fun, new exciting places to create experiences and memories that don’t include your crush! Anything that you can do to reinforce the belief that you do not need this person in your life to have fun or be happy will set you on the path to getting over them.
Limit Your Social Media Stalking
Constantly checking out your crush’s Instagram posts, stories and Facebook status updates is a surefire way to set yourself up for further hurt. You’re bound to stumble upon a post of him and his honey taking cute photos together and leaving sentimental captions and comments to each other. Don’t give yourself any chances to intensify any feelings of sadness or longing- unfollow or mute them, and keep yourself sane and happy. If you’re really having a hard time avoiding your crush’s social media, or their posts are randomly popping up in the “explore” and “people you may know” sections, Dr. Degges-White suggests taking a break from social media altogether.
Set Physical Boundaries
Sadly, not all crush’s are about unrequited love and daydreaming about being in a relationship that has no chance of ever happening. If your crush is in a committed relationship, yet flirts with you or makes sexual advances, it’s time to set serious, firm, physical boundaries. If your crush is constantly flirting with you or you’re worried that you’ll give into their overt advances, put your foot down and set some ground rules. Dr. Dreggs-White says that this is important because you may end up doing something you’ll regret later on down the road.
These boundaries can be as small as limiting the amount of hugs or playful kisses on the cheek that you’re exchanging. You can also limit yourself to how often you see them at outings where alcohol is involved. If your crush is the type of person who can’t create boundaries when they’re in a committed relationship, this may also point to you being attracted to types that you can’t realistically have. Dr. Dreggs-White explains, “Sometimes, people are attracted to ‘forbidden fruit’ because it serves as a protective mechanism…If a person lacks self-confidence in their romantic attractiveness and they choose to crush on people that are unattainable, they are probably protecting themselves from potential failure and from being hurt.” On the other hand, you may be the type of person who enjoys the thrill of the chase, but quickly loses interest when you’ve achieved your goal.
The bottomline? A crush may be thrilling, but in the end you’ll be left hurt, disappointed and saddened.
Avoid Unnecessary Interactions
If you work with your crush or go to school with them, it may be hard to distance yourself from them. If you feel like it’s impossible to dodge your crush, know that there are ways to easily avoid them! If you run into them, you can always mention that you’re running late. If their office or desk is on the way to the bathroom, the water cooler or the coffee pot, take a new route, bring a water bottle, or head out for coffee. You get the drill. If you truly can’t manage to avoid them and you must interact with them Dr. Dreggs-White recommends, “Being pleasant, but not overly friendly, is the best way to handle interactions.”
It may take some time, but you can and you will get over your crush. No matter how you feel about this person today, they aren’t your key to happiness. You can move, you will meet someone else who is available and that is much more exciting (and fulfilling) than an unrequited fantasy.
