Technology has made dating easier and accessible. If you’re looking for a date, you have scores of potential partners at your fingertips, and enough information about them to give you a good launching off point. With so many ways to meet people through apps and websites, it can seem that dating has become completely superficial and hollow. Fortunately, there are ways to date that are mindful! If you’re looking for a real connection while you date, check out these helpful tips to keep in mind – no matter what stage you’re at in the dating game.
How to have a meaningful connection online:
When looking for a match online, look for someone who not only catches your eye but also has shared interests with you. Matching with someone who you have something in common with takes the pressure off from finding something to break the ice when you first connect online.
Rather than sending out generic messages like “Hey!” ask more direct questions such as “What was the last concert you went too?” or “What’s your favorite place to get thai food?” Not only will this show your potential date that you’ve taken the time to read their profile, you’ll also have a topic that will help you feel more comfortable opening up. Leading with a specific question also gives you a way to dive into other topics.
If the conversation online is enjoyable, you can always suggest moving things to the phone or texting! You don’t want to end up in the dreaded hamster wheel of only contacting each other through the app or site. Spending too much time interacting this way can lead to a dead end.
How to have a meaningful connection on the phone:
Moving things to a phone call or a text can create a more personal space for you and your potential date to get to know each other. If you’ve been paying attention to what mindfulness experts have to say, you’ve most likely come across a few articles that state that texting isn’t a meaningful form of communication. A phone conversation will help you learn about a person because you’ll have little clues like tone and inflection.
Talking on the phone can be a little awkward at first, but speaking to someone in real time will give you a better idea of the person that you want to date. If you’re nervous about speaking on the phone, try to remember the great conversations that you had via the app, and remember that you have shared interests and values in common. Don’t get flustered!
Chances are, if you were both willing to make a mindful connection via the app, you’re willing to take the conversation one step further. Allow yourself to go beyond the basic “getting to know you” questions and focus on questions and topics that allow you and your potential date to be vulnerable. Now is the time to discuss the things that show that you’ve both been paying attention to each other. Did they mention a trip they recently went on? Maybe they’ve mentioned a place that they love to go running or hiking – these are all topics that you can bring up during your phone convo!
A phone call is also the perfect way to suggest a time to meet up! If your date hasn’t already brought it up, you can suggest a place for the two of you to meet and get to know each other.
How to have a meaningful connection via text
Whether you’ve moved the conversation to the phone or you’re still taking your time via texts, text messaging should be used as a means to an end. If you haven’t been able to move the conversation to the phone just yet, try to have the most meaningful conversations you can through text. Don’t let your texts turn into a crutch – use them as a way to let your potential partner know that you’re interested. Utilize text messaging as a means to move the conversation to a phone call…or a date in a place that you’ll both enjoy.
How to have a meaningful connection on a first date:
You’ve made it through all kinds of exciting conversations and you’re finally meeting up in person! Don’t let your nerves get the best of you. If you’ve made it through the initial anxious stages of in app messaging, texting and phone calls, this part will be a breeze. To help calm your nerves, try to choose a place that you can both be comfortable in. Try to pick a spot that you know you’ll both enjoy based on all of your previous conversations.
Now that you’re face to face, you can feel comfortable asking more personal questions. Ask about their family, their friends, or any memories that they’re fond of.
To remain mindful, make sure to maintain eye contact. Eye contact will show your date that you’re paying attention. If you’re feeling a physical connection, don’t be afraid to touch their arm or hand to show that you’re interested.
By the end of the date you’ll know enough about this person to know if this is someone you want to see again. If they haven’t already suggested going on a second date, now is the time for you to do so! If you’re not seeing a potential love connection – that’s okay too! At least you had a great night with great conversation!
